


Cactus

by callmeSoon



Category: Yoonjin - Fandom, sugajin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga-centric, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 08:46:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmeSoon/pseuds/callmeSoon
Summary: He doesn't know when it started, but here he is, standing in front of the bathroom sink with white petals scattered on it.





	Cactus

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing something with this theme. I don't know if I did it right. Please do comment if there's something I missed. Plus, I wrote this for quite a long time. I had quite a hard time writing this because I need to research for the flower meanings and I was too busy with school. But school is now FINALLY OVER!! I GRADUATED!! yay!!
> 
> I hope you guys will enjoy reading this. Leave kudos if you did enjoy! Thank you for reading! 
> 
> You can ask me questions here  
> https://curiouscat.me/etrnlmaknae
> 
> Flower Meanings  
> 1\. Carnation - love and affection  
> 2\. Tulips - declaration of love  
> 3\. Gardenia - secret love  
> 4\. Daffodil - unrequited love  
> 5\. Yarrow - everlasting love  
> 6\. Cactus - endurance (This is not a flower though, but it's the title lol)

He doesn't know when it started but here he is, standing in front of the bathroom sink with white carnation petals scattered on it. He looked at the petals, horrified at the fact that those petals came out of him, heaving deep breaths as he calmed himself down. He shook his head several times, refusing to believe the mere fact that he already had the  _disease._ He tried to think about who might be the person, the person he's inlove with. With a deep sigh, he nodded to himself and accepted his fate. Carefully, he placed the petals on the trash bag, praying that the members won't notice it. He straightened his clothes and heaved a deep sigh before stepping out of the bathroom. He paid close attention to his members, inwardly sighing in relief as no one seemed to notice his long "stay" in the bathroom.

 

Several weeks passed, Yoongi hasn't felt any symptoms of the  _disease._ Mainly because he's been keeping himself away from  _him_. They were only together at night because they're room mates. But of course, he used himself being a producer to not sleep in their shared room. Knowing all too well that he might throw up some kind of flower petals if he stayed in that room together with  _him_ for long. But luck doesn't seem to be on his side. He's locked himself again in the studio, it's been almost a week that he's doing that. And Jin is not having any of Yoongi's excuses, not when he hasn't seen his roommate for quite a long time now. Jin knocked thrice on the door of the studio, trying to persuade Yoongi to go home at least for that night. Yoongi already felt like there's something building up inside him just by the thought that Jin is outside his studio, waiting for him. But he couldn't let his guard down. He couldn't show himself to Seokjin, not in his current state.

"Min Yoongi. Open the door before I ask Jeongguk to break it open."

Yoongi slightly froze at the tone of Jin's voice. He knew very well that Jin is serious and Jeongguk might really be able to break the door. So he sighed softly and opened the door. He looked at Jin with a cold expression, not wanting him to dwell in his "business" of keeping himself away from the person in front of him at that moment. His front crumpled a bit upon seeing the very worried look on Jin's face. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Why are you here, hyung? I told you I still need to finish some work." he said coldly, Jin shook his head.

"You told me that last Monday, Yoongi. It's Sunday now. I feel like you're avoiding me for some reason. Did I do something wrong?" at that, Yoongi looked down and tried to keep himself from throwing up.

"Hyung, I have my reasons." he said in one go, already feeling something creeping up on his throat. Jin looked at him with that same worried expression. 

"Hyung, please just leave." Yoongi managed to say before running to the bathroom. He locked the door and leaned on the sink as he vomited with his eyes shut tightly. Upon opening his eyes, he looked at the petals on the sink. His eyes widening a little as he recognized the petals.  _Tulips, declaration of love._ The voice of his doctor echoed in his ears. He then massaged his temple to calm down, thinking that he soon should do something about this. He still stayed at the studio that night.

 

A couple of weeks has passed since Yoongi last vomited flower petals. He has been staying away from Jin as much as possible though the guy is always in his thoughts. The fateful day came and they moved to a bigger dorm with much more room than their previous one. Meaning, Yoongi can finally have a room of his own. Not that he really wanted that but that's one choice for a temporary cure to his disease. A chance to stay away from Jin more. He stepped inside his new room and suddenly felt that the said room might be a little too big for him alone. He then remembered his old room with Jin, how the "divider" almost didn't really divide the room since they often watch a movie together on one bed. The memories from their old room suddenly came rushing to Yoongi's mind. How Jin looked like after showering, how Jin would sneak to lie beside him when the older can't sleep, how their things are designated by color and many other things. His train of thoughts was interrupted when he heard a knock on the door. He opened it and saw the person he was thinking of. Jin.

"Hey, Yoongichi..You left this." Jin said in his usual caring tone, handing over Yoongi's favorite headset. Yoongi took it and felt something inside him upon feeling their fingers brush.

"Uhh thanks Jin hyung.." he managed to say. Jin gave him a smile and was about to say something when his brows furrowed. Yoongi immediately covered his mouth with his free hand and ran off to the bathroom, locking it and immediately throwing up delicate white flower petals on the bathroom sink. Yoongi closed his eyes as he panted. 

"Fuck, it's Gardenia petals.." he mumbled to himself, looking down at the flower petals on the sink. He quickly cleaned the sink and threw the garbage from the bathroom, making sure there were no traces of the flower petals left. 

 

 

"Hey guys, gather up before we go on stage." he heard Namjoon's voice. He stood up and gathered with the other members, did their usual cheer then finally went out to the stage. It's their 4th fanmeeting in Japan and everyone was hyped up, even Yoongi himself. They're dressed in a kind of dessert theme with Jeongguk and Taehyung dressed as chefs. Jin was looking cute in his cake costume and Yoongi looked cute too in his candy cane costume. Everyone was having fun in their respective costumes and he could see that their fans loved it. His eyes automatically searched for Jin, he smiled upon seeing him but his smile disappeared when he saw Jeongguk right next to Jin, seemingly "tasting" the "cake" who happened to be Jin, playfully biting then showing his signature cute bunny smile. He could see that the two are having fun and so he just went to join the other members. Trying to ignore the icky feeling inside him until the fanmeet ended.

They are all now back to their dorm after a tiresome but fun night at the fanmeeting, having their late dinner at the dining room. Everyone was silently eating and seemingly too tired to speak but Jin cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. He showed them a smile before directly looking at Jeongguk who nodded at him. Yoongi looked at the two with an unreadable expression.

"Uhm guys, I have something to tell you." Jin started. He then swiped his tongue on his lower lip before continuing.

"Well, the thing is..." he spoke again but he didn't finish because Jeongguk finished his sentence for him.

"Jin hyung and I have been dating for a year now. We talked about this and you guys deserve to know." the two of them looked at the members' reactions and only Yoongi has a surprised expression.

"Well we kind of knew about it." Hoseok commented with a smile, the other members smiled too and congratulated them. That night, Yoongi threw up yellow petals of a Daffodil - a flower for unrequited love. 

 

"Hyung open the door." Yoongi heard from the outside his room. It's Jimin and he's probably with Hoseok. He sighed before standing up to open the doorand he's right, Jimin is accompanied by Hoseok. The two of them stepped in and looked at Yoongi, taking note of the older's puffy eyes and dark circles. They sat on Yoongi's bed and noticed that Yoongi has been avoiding their looks.

"Yoongi hyung..look" Hoseok spoke to get Yoongi to look at him.

"I know, actually we know that you're devastated about Jin hyung and Jeongguk. You're brokenhearted and we understand you but you know, you should go out and talk with us." Jimin said, showing a worried look on his face. Yoongi facepalmed at that and groaned. He really didn't want to talk about this but he has to. 

"I also know that you have Hanahaki disease, hyung." Hoseok stated making Yoongi look at him with a shocked face.

"What?? How did you know about it?" Yoongi asked, half panicking at the moment.

"I saw some petals in the bathroom back in our old dorm. Jin hyung also has been having suspicions about it too." Jimin listened quietly as the two talked and was clearly surprised with what he had learned. 

"You're right. I've been suffering from that for about 3 months now.." Yoongi admitted as he began to cry. Jimin and Hoseok gently patted his back to comfort him a bit.

"Hyung, it's okay.. But you should've told us about this sooner. We are all worried about you. You've been so distant and not even one of us know why you're being like that. You know we'd understand you, right?" Hoseok talked in a soft tone, attempting to comfort Yoongi.

"I'm sorry too, for not telling you anything about Jin hyung and Jeongguk. It's because I have no right to talk about their relationship." Hoseok continued. 

"It's okay. You don't have to be sorry." Yoongi said after wiping his tears away. He managed to calm himself before continuing to speak.

"After thinking for quite long, I have decided that I want to undergo the surgery to remove the petals inside me. Hoseok, I know I can trust you to tell this to Namjoon. And Jimin, please don't say anything about this to Jeongguk." Hoseok and Jimin nodded and gave Yoongi a sad look.

"Will you be okay, hyung?" Jimin asked worriedly to which Yoongi just nodded silently.

"This is the only way out. I'm afraid a time will come when the petals inside me will become actual flowers." Jimin gasped a bit upon hearing that.

"Hyung, if you need anything, just tell us okay?" Yoongi once again nodded.

And for the last time, with the thoughts of Jin, Yoongi threw up to white little petals of Yarrow flower. A symbol for everlasting love.

 

 

"Jin hyung!!" Jin heard Taehyung cheerfully call him. The kid is holding what seemed to be a small pot with a plant he could not recognize from afar. Taehyung stopped in front of him and Jin finally had a good look of the plant.

"Uhm Yoongi hyung told me to give this to you." Taehyung finally handed him the small pot. And he smiled because it's been too long since Yoongi last gave him something.

"A cactus? Aigoo. This is kind of weird but thanks. Where is he anyway? Is he still in his studio?" Jin asked curiously. Though they're living in one dorm, Jin hasn't really heard much about Yoongi since he and Jeongguk announced their relationship. He wanted to know how his former roommate was doing. 

"Uhm about that.. yeah, he's in his studio to finish another track." Taehyung blatantly lied and Jin seemed to buy it.

"As always. Tell him to come home. I'll cook something for him as thanks." Taehyung just nodded at him and waved goodbye. Without looking back, Taehyung made his way out of their dorm to the hospital where Yoongi underwent the operation. When he got there, the operation was already done, he found Jimin and Hoseok sitting at the edge of Yoongi's hospital bed.

"How was it?" he asked, worry evident in his voice.

"I guess it went fine. Yoongi hyung is alright. He'll wake up soon."

After a couple of days, Yoongi was finally discharged and as usual, Hoseok and Jimin took care of him. One night, when he went out of his room in the middle of the night to get something to drink he saw Jin leaning on the kitchen counter. The older looked like he's been waiting for a time to talk to Yoongi. Unlike the past times, Yoongi didn't feel anything when he saw Jin and he felt relieved but Jin looked like he was kind of weirded out with how Yoongi was acting.

"Yoongi-ah.. what was the cactus for?" in asked in a straightforward manner.

"I want you to remember my endurance hyung. Of how I endured that fucking disease. I'm happy now hyung. Please be happy with Jeongguk." Yoongi answered in a cold tone. Slightly feeling his heart ache when he remembered that heartbreaking night. Jin looked at him in surprise.

"So I was right all along. Why didn't you tell me about it?" 

"And what? Love me back out of pity? I'm not like that hyung." he answered back. Jin was left speechless at that.

"Just keep the Cactus hyung. For me. It'll make me happy, at least." and with that, Yoongi went back to his room.

 

That night..he didn't throw up but his eyes were hurting from crying so much. Feeling something inside him aching and he can't help but think that the flowers were gone inside him but his feelings were never gone. 


End file.
